I’ve been super busy not really caring about my tests, so I haven’t been able to blog about anything, either. I sort of decided that these two lasts test will go as they go, and that’s it, because if I try my best and push myself as I usually do, I will go insane and my head will explode simply because of all the stress.
I took a little break, after my test on Victorian Literature, and wrote! Yay. So here’s a poem and a tiny little text (100 words) on the idea of someone not loving you back – as in quite literally not saying ‘I love you’ when someone says it to you.
She stood out there, alone, in the rain; stood there with nothing else to do. The rain washed away her make up, left her curly hair wet and sticky with too much hairspray. He hadn’t cared; he hadn’t said it back – just stood there, in front of her, in the hallway. Watching her smile fade… The damn bus always took forever to arrive.
In the apartment upstairs he pressed his forehead on the cool white wall, turned, let his back slide against it until he was sitting on the floor, head on his hands. He would never get her back.
It doesn’t take much more than that –
a slight amount of hesitation –
to really mess a thing you had,
going good. There is no reason
for you to ever feel that way,
to let your dumb friends get to you.
And still, you stand there, look away.
“What she said must not be true.”
Today, after my boyfriend shock-woke me an hour later than I was supposed to wake up, I spent a while thinking about nightmares. More specifically, why – in my nightmares – are the monsters only after me? Doesn’t seem very fair.
So, in my dream there were some people with an ability of sending groups of people to ‘alternative dimensions/realities’. It seemed perfectly normal – mostly – in the dream, so let’s not focus on that. I guess something was happening in the ‘current’ reality that made them want to shoot some people into another one, and everything was going ok, in the beginning. Okay, yes, the first couple realities they tried didn’t really go well with the people’s needs (one seemed to be all water), so they had to keep resending them. Eventually something went wrong, and things started getting creepy.
Apparently I was one of the first to ‘arrive’, and the first thing I noticed was a group of people lying on their faces in mud, basically. They were all wearing blue uniforms, kind of Star Trek-y, so I assume they were part of my group. I think my memory didn’t work very well, because of the continuous ‘travelling’. I got up and walked around, and more and more peopl appeared, all lying on the ground, some trying to get up. Then I noticed a big rock (a biiiig rock) – it was a forest – that started creeping me out. I stood there looking at it, for a while, until I figured that it was turning into a skull. Around me all big rocks I could see were also turning into skulls, as if some of the ‘travellers’ were somehow ‘transported’ wrong, and transformed in the wrong way, using skull-shaped objects to ground themselves to. What this meant, then, was that some people were going to be gigantic, when they were fully formed.
At this point I had enough, and took off. Soon, I found myself walking in a city centre, where normal people – of that reality – and blue uniform people – from mine – were already mixed in the streets. And they were all ignoring the fact that there were monsters going about; those horrible, half-formed people who had come with me, but their transformation had gone wrong – probably they had formed around rocks, too, and therefore never became fully human again. I remember they were all covered in the brown, liquid-y mud we found ourselves lying in, in the forest. It just kept dripping off their bare skulls… I tried to hide away from them, behind bus stops and everything big enough to cover me – so they were probably pretty stupid. They kept looking around for me, though, but ignored all the others walking on the streets.
And I’m pretty sure at some points there were some zombies too. Frequent visitors in my nightmares, unfortunately. Still, I was pretty happy with this one, not being a horribly earth-is-burning-from-the-inside-I-can’t-find-my-loved-ones -sort of apocalypse.
And yes, I know, the fact that the monsters only haunt me has probably something to do with some real deep psychological issues, but the main point here was that I wanted to share this creepy dream. So there.